It is amazing how much can change over the course of a year. Last New Years Eve I was working at a bar, living in the dorms, and hooking up with one of my coworkers. Now only one year later, I am home in pajama pants, watching How I Met Your Mother and about to crack open a bottle of sparkling juice with my love, Caleb, while our newborn son sleeps.
I think back to those days, a short 365 days ago, and I have to smile. I was so young, yet I felt like an old soul. I had some rough times, some of the lowest of my life, but until this past week I don’t think I really understood the concept of heartache and the pain of loss.
12 days ago, my son was born, and it felt like that first week was just one extremely long, emotionally wearing day. We were told that our son would not live more than a day or two off of his tubes and IVs, and we had resigned ourselves to the fact that we had to say goodbye. But as you all know, Noah is a fighter. He decided to prove them wrong, and 10 days after he was born, we were finally able to go home.
When I say “the pain of loss”, it was more in a figurative sense. Being strong enough to say goodbye made me grow up more in one day than I think I have in the last 5 years of my life. Miraculously, I didn’t have to actually go through that pain in real time, because as you all know, and as I previously stated….my son is a fighter.
So now, life is good. We are “cautiously optimistic”. Noah is becoming more alert every day, and the question remains as to whether his seizures will come back once his meds completely wear off. The doctors have literally no idea how the brain damage will present itself as he grows up.
Tonight is New Years Eve, and as I usher in 2011, I am truly happy, both generally and in the sense that I am beyond ecstatic that we didn’t have to spend both Christmas AND New Years in Edmonton, a 6 hour drive away from home.
Happy New Year 🙂