Random: The Definition of “Sex”

Bear with me here, this is not my usual “baby-centric” topic, but after stumbling across an interesting article on Jezebel, I have to throw my own two cents in.

The story on Jezebel spoke of a young woman named Nikki Blue, who is a “virgin” that is going to leave it up to the fans of fetish website kink.com to decide which kink.com leading man is going to take her virginity on January 15th (which is Caleb’s birthday, interestingly enough….awesome?). On camera. Oh, and then the other 2 men (there’s a total of 3 vying for this “prize”) are going to join in later so that she is “airtight” (GROSS….seriously though. I’m no prude, but that phrase makes me gag a little).

My issue with this is that this woman is already a porn star. She has had anal sex and given and received oral sex many, many times. Now, I personally think that if a girl gives/receives oral sex, she is still a virgin because there was no penetration. HOWEVER. By that definition, anal sex IS sex, and therefore the girl would no longer be able to call herself a virgin.

My ex-best friend had the same thinking as this Nikki woman…that anal sex is not sex. Seriously?! Our mutual friend hypothesized that she said this only so that she could be “that good girl who waits for the right guy”. Now, we were no longer friends by that point so I couldn’t ask her, but even to this day I am incredibly curious as to what her thinking behind that was. The best part of the whole thing is that I didn’t know about that until AFTER we weren’t friends anymore, about 3 years after she lost her “ass-virginity” (according to our said mutual friend, who revealed this all to me). We took the same sex education classes in elementary school, my dear…..anal sex IS sex!

Anyway, I digress. The definition of “sex” is such a subjective thing. It can be based on how you were raised, what your friends think, media, religious teachings, etc. For me, my opinion is largely based on the initial teachings that I got from both my mother and the school system.  Then as I got older, my opinion grew to include my own personal experiences.

Now, you may not agree with me. Hell, you might think I’m effing crazy. And that’s cool too, because like I said, it’s so subjective. We all know that Bill Clinton “did not have sex with that woman”. Riiiight.

(Yes I know that I have already stated that I don’t think that participating in oral sex is necessarily “sex”, and that doing so wouldn’t count as losing your virginity. But the dude was (and is) married. Somehow I feel like that makes a difference…..maybe I just think of it as if my man got caught like ol’ Bill did. There’s NO WAY I would accept the “oral sex isn’t sex” argument from him. Your dick was in some other bitch’s mouth, sir.*)

My main point is, I just find so much ridiculousness in a porn star saying that she is “losing her virginity”….when in fact, besides the fact that yes, technically she is still a virgin in the Biblical sense, realistically, she isn’t. Which is why I find it funny how excited kink.com is to host this “special event”.

Also, for some reason I feel incredibly sad that she wants to publicize this to anyone with a computer and internet access. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but in my day (because I’m so old at 19 hahaha) your first time was supposed to be special. Hey, I’m a romantic. But losing your vaginal virginity on camera and then following that up with a gang-bang doesn’t really sit well with me.

It’s supposed to be with a guy that you love, that hopefully loves and cares about you, and it’s supposed to be scary, but yet something  you’ll never forget. My first time sucked, a feature shared with the vast majority of virginity stories. Unfortunately, I’ll never forget that first time for NEGATIVE reasons, and I’m afraid this girl will too.

However, I don’t know this girl. Maybe a long time ago she decided that the romanticized version of losing her virginity wasn’t for her. I have no idea what happened in her life to bring her to this conclusion, but I hope she knows that she can be worth more than her body. Then again, maybe she’s one of those “EMPOWERED” porn stars, I have no idea. In any case, if I was in that situation, I’d probably look back and regret it. I mean, if she ends up having children, what is she going to tell her daughter about her virginity story?? “Yes, I was 21 years old, and I decided to lose my vaginal virginity on the Internet, by a fellow named James Deen. Then two other guys jumped in”. :S  Really?

Anyway, Nikki Blue…..I find you ridiculous. But hey, if you want to put up this facade and make money doing it, the more power to you. I just know that if it was me, I’d look back and feel sorry for throwing it away.

For more on this story, you can read this interview with Nikki Blue about her “virginity-losing” plans.

Please note: AGAIN, the definition of “sex” is entirely subjective. I’m expressing my opinion and you are welcome to yours. So I apologize in advance if anyone finds this offensive in some way. You are welcome to post your (polite) opinion in the comments section 🙂


* This also reminds me of those people who have ridiculous parameters of what is considered “cheating”. For example, if:
– She (the wife…yes, I’m going to assume it’s the man that’s cheating. Sue me.) is in a different town/province/country.
– He (the cheater) doesn’t finish.
– There’s no kissing involved.
– There’s no penetration involved.
– There’s no penis-vagina contact going on (i.e. anal and oral is A-OK!).
– There’s no eye contact.
Gross. Just gross. CHEATING IS NOT COOL, KIDS. You touch another woman in a sexual manner….you are cheating, sir. (Again, he’s the cheater…and strictly heterosexual, apparently.)

2 thoughts on “Random: The Definition of “Sex”

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