Today, I was reading my friend Karen’s blog. I have been an avid reader of her blog since back in September when her little girl, Nyana, was born at 27 weeks gestation, which brought her and her husband onto the NICU roller coaster.
When Noah had his own ride, she was such a great person to have there, even just for support, since she knew exactly what it was like to be a NICU parent. She wrote this entry about him right after we heard “the big news”.
Then a few weeks later, she wrote this entry about another NICU participant, baby Neema. She called for the prayers and thoughts of what she calls “Nyana’s Army” to pray for little Neema in her struggles in the NICU.
Today, I found out the devastating news. Little Neema had passed away.
My heart immediately broke for Neema’s family. No one should ever have to say goodbye to their child.
I think it hit me especially hard because that was supposed to be us. As you all know, Noah wasn’t supposed to survive to see 2011.
Reading about Neema made me so much more grateful to have this sleepy little baby sitting in my lap right now.
We are so lucky that Noah decided that he wanted to pull through for us, and even though it is very annoying to be woken up multiple times in the middle of the night to a crying baby, I have to remind myself that just 26 short days ago, we were told that we’d never have that.
We were told that he’d never eat – now he gulps down 4 oz like it’s nothing. We were told that he’d never speak – he sure likes to show off those awesome lungs of his. We were told that he’d never walk – already his legs have made a marked improvement, and I have high hopes that when the time comes he WILL be able to walk.
I think of how we came to accept our choice and accept the inevitable….that our little boy would pass away. I still feel so incredibly grateful for the outpouring of love, prayer, and support we received during those dark days.
Thinking of little Neema, it reminds me of exactly how lucky we were, because Neema’s story could have easily been our own. That was SUPPOSED to be us. But Noah decided that it wasn’t his time.
Noah is our miracle. How else could he have gone from this:
And finally, this is Noah, as I write this entry:
Tonight, as he inevitably wakes me up in the middle of the night, I will remember how our story was supposed to be, and I will be even more thankful that against all odds, it was rewritten.
It makes me incredibly sad that Neema’s story couldn’t have a happier ending, but I will say what I told myself when we expected Noah to go at any moment. At least now, she won’t have any pain. I’m also a firm believer that when we die, our loved ones are there waiting for us. I’d like to think that Neema was met with open arms today.
To quote Karen, sweet dreams babygirl. My thoughts are with your family.