I was thinking yesterday about how different I thought things would be, being pregnant, giving birth, etc. Maybe I just watched too many Lifetime movies, but here it goes:
Things I’ve Learned About Being Pregnant/Being A Mom
– Pregnancy HURTS. For some reason I always thought that pregnancy was super comfortable up until labor.
– The pushing part of labor is actually way better than early contractions, and somehow less painful. I think that’s because you’re actually working towards something rather than just praying for the contraction to end.
– Your birth plan gets thrown out the window. That had been mentioned to me a few times during my pregnancy, but I didn’t think my labor/post-labor would be NEARLY as unexpected as it was.
– Sometimes you just need to learn to breathe and roll with the punches.
– I never knew I could love something so much. I know that that sounds like the biggest cliche EVER, but it’s so true.
– You never really know how many children you actually want until you have your first one. I’ve been a “I want one kid” person since I even started thinking about it…so probably since age 14 or so. Now….I think I want another baby! (eventually)
– When they tell you that your baby will keep you up all night, THEY ARE NOT EXAGGERATING. I thought that I’d be fairly well off, I used to party all night, have 2 hours of sleep and go to class. Apparently I’m just old now…being up all the time is kicking my ass!
– Breastfeeding is hard…..much more difficult and stressful than you’d ever think. I didn’t think breastfeeding would be easy, per se, but I never thought that I’d have to go through the whole shebang of pumping every 3 hours, taking meds, taking supplements, ETC. I thought that my biggest worry would be not having enough milk, nevermind if the baby can’t breastfeed at all for a couple weeks and get massive nipple confusion because of it. Milk is part of my problem, but the main problem is that my supply is not at a “Noah” level yet because of his rocky start. I also never thought that it would be so bloody stressful!
– Something’s gotta give. I need sleep too, the dishes can wait!
– Pregnancy/motherhood can be so incredibly isolating and lonely. It never really kicked in until I was a few months along, but it was difficult not being around my friends all the time, going out with them, etc. It’s hard when you realize that the only thing you had in common with a lot of people is drinking, and they’re a completely different person without alcohol attached…..and you don’t even like them that much! I felt so alone for a lot of my pregnancy. I suppose that’s to be expected though, I’m 19 years old, so the vast majority of my friends are still out partying and making bad decisions.
– I miss partying all the time, but at the same time I don’t. I miss having the freedom to go out whenever I wanted and not have to worry about a little person waiting at home, but I really don’t miss the person that I was when I used to party all the time. That was a very sad, lonely person. I’m still sad and lonely, but for much different reasons. My main reason back then is that I just wanted to be loved. As cliche as that sounds, that was totally it. I wanted a guy who would look at me for more than my body, and actually appreciate me for who I am. Luckily, I found that. And we got together and made a little boy who I love so so much, even when he cries and drives me a little bit crazy.
– People are bitches. Whether it’s those who judge me for using donor milk or those that bitch at me for not replying to their messages (fuck off, seriously), I’ve found that I need to just accept that people are bitches and there’s no need for me to get upset about it anymore, since there isn’t anything I can do to change it.
– Your mother can drive you crazy, but you’re going to be like that too. YUP.
– Having a healthy baby is the only thing you should worry about while pregnant/giving birth, etc. The events of the last 5 weeks have shown me that to the tenth degree. I was all worried about not being able to breastfeed, etc…..little did I know that I’d be worried about whether my baby would live or not. And now I have to worry about how the brain damage will affect him as he grows up, for the rest of his life. It’s enough to drive someone batty, but I’m trying not to let it hit me as hard as it could.
– PPD is a bitch. I’m still not 100% sure if I have it, but I can feel the stirrings…..and I don’t like it.
– Random women across the country that you meet on a baby website can become your “virtual family”. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I am so unbelievably glad that I found BabyCenter and the Winter Babies group. Those women are fantastic individuals, and they made my pregnancy a little less terrifying. It’s great knowing that there are people rooting for you. I think this was especially important to me since a lot of my “real life” friends have fallen off the face of the Earth. The Winter Babies ladies kind of became my replacement friends….they made me a little less lonely. 🙂
I am so grateful that all this crazy bullshit has happened to me….I think it’s made me much stronger, and made me grow up in a big way. Who knew that such a little person could have changed my life so much already 🙂