Rant Against Stupidity

Fakers, fuck off.

This post is inspired by a guy I know who likes to pretend that he is Australian.


Dear Fake-Ass:

I went to high school with you. I know that you haven’t lived in Australia since you were 3. I went to school with you for 3 years (yes, we even had classes together) and the first time I heard your “accent” was at grad. Yes, watching that video still gives me an eye twitch….because your accent is oh-so-fake. I assumed that you put that accent on because you were “performing” and/or nervous. Apparently I was wrong. Please stop pretending you just stepped off the fucking plane yesterday.

I have not talked to you for two years, and yet…I encounter you tonight and you are still. putting. on. the fake accent. Do you not understand how ridiculous you are?

When we were both freshmen at college and in Drama together….our professor asked us to introduce ourselves. I said that I was from B____ (where we both went to high school). I expected you to do the same. No, instead you put on your FAKE ACCENT and said you are from Australia. Can we cue the eye twitch now?


YOU ARE FROM H___ [nearby town] AND/OR B_____.


As much as you like to wear that stupid hat that seems to indicate you were just hanging out in the bush….NO.

This would be like if I suddenly pulled a fake Irish or German accent out of my ass. I am Irish and German, but I was born here. I have lived here my entire life. You will not find an accent. Why? BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ONE!


Now, seriously, this has gone on long enough. I understand, we all make crazy decisions when we are freshmen. You decided to pretend to have an accent. But dude, this is 2 years later. GIVE IT UP!

In conclusion……STOP. This has gone on long enough! Seriously…..before you give me an aneurysm because of all the eye twitching.

Sincerely yours,

Someone Who Wants To Hurt Something Every Time They Hear You Put On The Accent.



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