The fear is taking hold…

Today I had a dream about a seemingly wicked 21+k obstacle race that involved bouncy things. Sort of like a Wipeout trail race.

(I have a lot of dreams that feature really neat race concepts, lol) 

But in the dream I had only done half of it and then couldn’t figure out where I was going and I couldn’t find any volunteers to help me and everyone else was long gone… All I could do was just cry hysterically in disappointment and frustration,  and eventually I just gave up because I knew that  I’d never finish before the cut off time.

CLEARLY my brain is starting to connect my experiences with Tuffest 10 (although to be fair I injured myself and that was the main reason why I couldn’t complete the full 21k) and my feelings of failure and disappointment with the impending Beast this weekend…. Logically I know that this will be a much better outcome (and the course will be adequately marked, haha!), but the fear is setting in because the last time I attempted a half marathon trail run, I failed miserably.

This will  be my first of that same (and most likely longer) distance since that race,  plus I’ve never done a race on a mountain before (well besides in Grande Cache, but it wasn’t a ski hill). I AM scared that I will fail again and all of the time, training, and more importantly, MONEY spent on my two big weekends of Spartan races will be a waste…. I NEED that last piece of the trifecta medal or all of my effort will be for naught!

Realistically I KNOW that I will finish in time…. I have 9.5 hours before they take people off of the mountain. But still, the fear…. Tuffest 10 broke me, it was the first race that I basically gave up on, and now the Beast will be here in just 4 short days….



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