More Changes


As of about two weeks ago, I officially rented my first apartment 🙂 it’s a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom (!) condo, with an outdoor power parking stall and an underground parking stall included. There’s also an exercise room in the building! It’s a cute little place and it’s nice to not feel like a hobo anymore.

Mentally and emotionally, things are difficult. I feel like in general we are fed this storyline of life, where we are supposed to grow up, find someone, fall in love, marry them, have their babies, and live happily ever after. I thought I found that at 19 years old. I was wrong and now what? What do you do when you’ve been in that stable type of relationship for so long and now you’re not?

I think the biggest thing is that I have let my hobbies go in the process. I had to step down from the Run Walk Club and I miss it so much that it hurts sometimes. I can’t make the monthly meetings now because I work most Mondays and can’t afford to miss work. I haven’t been going to the gym at all and I’ve been stuffing my facehole.

I definitely need to get some hobbies going again, lately all I’ve been doing is watching Netflix, eating, and napping if I’m not taking Noah to and from school or at work. I don’t even know what I used to do with myself all day before I had Noah….I didn’t work that much! It’s weird feeling like a single lady again but yet still having Noah responsibilities. The juxtaposition is hard and some things just hit me right in the feels….like when Noah and I got our flu shots the other day and I had to fill out our forms. I just ended up putting the condo address down for both of us because I didn’t know our new addresses offhand, but it really drove home the fact that Noah and I have *separate addresses* now. I don’t live with my child. That made me feel incredibly sad, even if logically it’s the best set-up for us.

This time of year is always difficult for me. I know that this year will be worse, guaranteed.

Sigh.

 

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